The other day, I was listening to an audiobook that was more of a podcast, if you ask me. Which no one is, but still. The audiobook is by Ted Dekker and it is all about writing. Here is the NoiseTrade link, for those of you who want to get it. The book is about how Ted views writing. I am a long time Ted fan, though his books are very different from what I usually read. It was through his books that I came to understand things about God on a level so personal, there are no words for me to explain. The reason I mention this book is because of something Ted says. When asked why he writes, what his purpose is, his answer is one that resonates within me. He writes to find out about himself, to figure his own mind/body/soul/spirit out. When he writes for others it always falls apart; words become a battlefield that have to be hashed out and torn through.
Recently, I have been having an issue with my writing. As some of you may know, I have been writing a novel since NaNoWriMo in 2013. My goal was to finish it this year, to start looking for an agent who could help me get published. I love my book. And yet, right now I can’t write. Why? Why is it so very hard to write a story that I know so well?
The problem isn't even just my novel. I am having issues writing period. (Has anyone else noticed the lack of updates for the last several months??) Even my journal is empty. Somewhere along the way, the words died before I could even feel them in my blood. If what Ted says about writing is true- that it is a discovery of self- then does that mean that the issue is that I don't want to discover anymore?
Maybe, says a little voice within me. Maybe.
This is what my novel is to me: It is a story about a girl who is born in darkness. A girl who is more or less cursed. She has magic. Magic that can't be contained or controlled. Everyone fears she will destroy the world. And yet, she is not evil. She is not a villain. She is a girl. My story is a question: When there is nothing but darkness, can the light still survive? Can it save the girl who knows only darkness and fear and pain?
Perhaps my novel is a metaphor. Perhaps it reflects the struggles I face- along with a billion other people. Maybe I won't be able to finish it until I can answer the question for myself and believe the answer. My novel is a question. But so is life. Life's questions differ for every person. My novel is bigger than me, it is bigger than a single life. I cannot write if I forget myself. It would only be half of what it could be. Half is not very much at all, it is a shadow. An unfinished thought.
I have to find myself again. I have to find why the words died. Words are key to discovery. I must remember that any act of writing is a way to discover myself, to discover the world around me, and to tie them together.
It is time to face myself.
Writing Tips:
1. Write about anything
3. Daydream whenever the chance comes
4. Write anywhere
2. dOn't bE AfrAId to gEt thIngs wrOng.
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